So how do you…

I know. I know. It is difficult to picture me being in love, all googly eyed, fawning and drooling just at the mere mention of her name.

But it does happen. It is happening today and well, it has happened.

Picture this. A fresh faced, 16 or 17 year old kid, fresh from giving heart and soul to the Lord God hoping and praying to meet a girl that is as good a Christian as he is…

Careful what you pray for. You just might get it.

And got it I did.

Oh she was perfect. Pretty. Not afraid to jump into a slime pit for a swim. That type of thing.

She was the first girl I held hands with. Whom I kissed. That scared me a bit when she removed her pants and said: “Now you’re gonna get it!”

All the above did not happen on one day, just FYI!

She was The One! The girl I was to marry, settle somewhere nice, have 3 kids with…

We were on a pleasure cruise. Just too bad the ship was called the Titanic. Oh, we’ve broken up before, got together again almost ad nauseum.

Then we hit the Oyceberg. And I knew soon enough I was going to be popsicle Jack floating to the bottom of the ocean whilst she goes on to the Horseriding,having seven children and being interviewed by Bill Paxton at age 86.

Him

                                        Him

And that is my story. On how I got my ass dumped by the person I though to be the love of my life.

And how I, a grown man of 22 at the time, ended up crying like a sad little boy on my parents front lawn.

She was getting married. To a guy that was not me. To a guy we spent hours ridiculing on trips to and from work.

Karma is a bitch I suppose. This guy ended up on those same trips to and from work.

And the worst of it all? (At that Time)

They were planning the wedding with me sitting in the backseat of the car. Listening to every little detail.

I looked at the walkman I bought along to drown out their blissfull stabbing of my soul and heart. The batteries had gone flat. Still, the chord from the headphones… I wondered. Would my suicide in the back of their car sent a clear message I kind of did not want to hear their sweet plans going forward?

(To be continued…)

So op Xmas

 

So op Kersdag kry ek mos nou die beste nuus in ‘n lang tyd.

Op die jonge ouderdom van 39 gaan ek ‘n klein boetie/sussie by kry!

Ja nee. Apparently is daar ‘n nuwe Chuck Norris in die dorp, en hy is my Pa!

Op sy ouderdom is ek verbaas hy kan ‘dit’ nog opkry, nevermind voortplant.

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Deel deur Nul fout…

“The whole point of the women’s movement is for women to choose whatever they want to do. Why should my choice be considered any less or more valid than your choice?”

Gloria Leonard, Ex Porn actress and publisher of magazine High Society, which was known for publishing nude photos of actresses.

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Om the hoer en rumoer in New Zealand

Sug… Gisteraand weer sê die weerlig weer so een keer boem daar by ons. En sonder dat dit my nou eintlik verras, begin die worshond aan die agterdeur knaag soos gewoontlik.

Ek lieg nie, daar is so baie houtsplinters voor daai deur. En dank die genade, nie een van hulle het sy bekkie seergemaak nie.

Maar oy! Hond in die huis as jy try slaap is ‘n nagmerrie. Sorry to say.

Slaap jy nog so rustig is hond se snoet hier in jou hol in (Vir een of ander rede) en glo my, dit is nie hoe ‘n man wakker gemaak wil word nie.

So ja. Min slaap.

Lekker soos ‘n cracker.

Vanoggend het ek die wonderlike voorreg om soos baie min andere, ook by die werk te moet sit, moeg lyf en al. Sal daar ‘n mail in my inbox beland.

Working in New Zealand.

Moee ogies lees: Whoring in New Zealand.

Okay New Zealand. Ek sal gaan hoer speel daar op jou straathoeke.

Ons vir jou Suid Afrika!

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Ek reken…

Ek fokken reken ek het so pas uit gepluis waarom ek van my kop af raak met paniek aanvalle en dies meer.

Luister net bietjie na die wêreld om jou as jy in ‘n kantoor werk!

Soveel damn noise, jou brein kan ONMOONTLIK nie als verwerk soos dit moet nie…

Sug... ek gaan pluk sommer blommekies...

Sug… ek gaan pluk sommer blommekies…